Gen Pop: The Reviewer Goes To The Drugstore By David Thayer

Follies Thrillere.

You're in a drugstore in the middle of the day. You need something, something basic. You know better but convince yourself this will only take a minute. It's a drugstore, after all, not the discount window at the Federal Reserve. In, out, you're on your way.

The line is long. One clerk is on duty and he graduated from high school yesterday majoring in Customer Service. Geezers wither as the line gets longer; a bag lady hits you with her shopping cart. She gives you a little grin as if to say “yeah I lost control of my shopping cart.” Right, like she's racing down Mulholland Drive in a Ferrari.

You check the rack of paperbacks. Thrillers. Romance. Suspense. This is good, you like thrillers. The cover art is inviting, intriguing. A knight in shining armor, a damsel in distress. No, wait, that's a guy in distress. James Patterson, Nora Roberts, Nora Roberts writing as JD Robb. Wow these three have fifty titles out here in No Man's Land, a stretch of tired linoleum thirty feet from the Promised Land.

Duane Reade. You wonder if Duane designed his store with thriller writers in mind. They talk about impulse buying but after twenty minutes is it an impulse anymore? My God the woman in front of me is going to return something. She has that look. There's a Dog Day Afternoon vibe. Your mind wanders. Maybe this is a Richard Price kind of moment.

An angry man storms out of the store. One less hostage for a Robert Crais scenario: you drift back to the paperbacks. Tami Hoag. Whoa, she's scary. Is it suspense or romantic suspense? Looks like a woman swooning on the cover. On line at Duane Reade that's extremely plausible, even likely. You can't remember why you came in.

Military thrillers: something called Ops Center. Tom Clancy's name on the cover along with a committee of co-authors. Ah, you get it, this is branding.

“Can I help you sir?”

You don't know what to say. There are so many choices. You drop that can of deodorant and run. You won't stop running until thriller writers stop dreaming up these crazy plots. Weaponized drug store ambience: we're doomed.

David Thayer is a regular contributor to January Magazine. His works has appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer and at Backspace.Org.